Smoke and Mirrors

ImageWorking with a photographer can be a pretty daunting ride, especially when you’ve chosen to be the model. It’s not just a matter of choosing what to wear, it’s how to hold it all together when you’re in front of the camera. You know what it’s like when someone stands with a camera pointed right at you – it’s downright frightening – and you can’t help but ask yourself questions like: is there something between my teeth? And most of us, when we’re exposed to the eyes of that candid shutter, crouch for cover, as though we’ve been caught in the corner like pups that haven’t managed the art of toilet training. Now, when I realised I had no ‘decent’ photos for an author’s website, it seemed an easy plan to have a professional wave his magic wand, and I would have some excellent photo memories whereby he somehow worked sorcery and made me…well…beautiful. Problem is, there’s no such thing as smoke and mirrors.  Every birthday I’m one year older, and if I don’t get a move on, my photoshoot will portray me as a Hallow’een pumpkin, with more wrinkles than last season’s crop. So you see my need for haste.  I have the elegantly casual dress, and it looks like a million bucks, but that’s before I put it on.  It’s true, it has no back and therefore, I can’t wear a bra. No problem. I go to ‘Bras and Things’ and get what the perky assistant tells me are called ‘Candy Cups’. Sweet; all you do is stick them on the two appropriate areas in need of a lift, and voila, age accepting B cup is transformed into miraculous gravity defying C. I thought that was an end to the problem. But no, it was whispered to me that I might need ‘Hollywood Tape’. You aint Whistin’ Dixie, I thought. Forty six years old and everything just seems to be going south. But shunning the double sided tape that was apparently going to stop the flash from catching my candy cups on camera, I thought I’d go the discount store and get the same thing without the red carpet price tag. I left the shop with ‘Heavy Duty Double Sided Mounting Tape.’ That oughta do the trick. It reads that this hocus pocus sticky business will hold up to 900 grams in weight. I figure that me and my candy cups wouldn’t weigh in over ninety, so it’s all good. Now, if I can just conjure a glimmer of natural serenity, if nothing else, Mr ‘Photoshop’ might do the rest.

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3 thoughts on “Smoke and Mirrors

  1. I am getting professional photos taken next week for an association I belong to, they are doing a composite of all the members. You made me feel very glad I will be wearing a suit and not candy cups. I hope you loved the photos.

  2. LOL…Ahhh…I haven’t had professional photos taken, but I will admit I had to go through quite a few to pick out one or two good ones. When I look at some I think, “Yikes! who is that woman?”, and then in others I think, “Wow! I look marvelous!” The photo you use here on your blog is quite stunning, so not to worry.

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